This last stretch of time has been grueling and taxing. My best friend hugo, my dog, died in my arms and I feel like nothing has felt particularly right since then. I still cannot believe it happened, even though he was sick for a long time. I felt hysterical for a while after, not seeing him at my parents on Christmas or on his birthday Dec. 30th. He’s buried in the backyard. 

On Christmas, my grandpa, with whom I’ve had essentially no relationship with, had a heart attack and was in critical condition. He came home late that night, only to go right back a day or so later. After being unconscious for almost a week, he started to wake, speak quietly, and even walk. Everyone was happy. Then he deteriorated quickly and died within two days. 

I felt like it all piled on so fast. everything changing suddenly and very tangibly. The one and only thing i can think to do right now is make someone else happy. that feels like helping myself in a way. maybe that is important. 

let me know your thoughts, email me goomanstl@gmail.com